What It's Like Being Bisexual

There has been a lot of controversy lately involving bisexual people that has really pissed me off. If you have read my ‘Being young and gay’ blog post, you’ll know I am bisexual. If you didn’t read it, hello I am bisexual.

Luckily I have never really experienced any physical biphobia in my life. I know a lot of people do and that really upsets me. The worst that has ever happened to me personally, is people telling me I’m in a phase, or that I should pick a side. I’ve been told that bisexual people don’t exist and you’re either gay/lesbian or you’re straight. The worst people for telling me I’m invalid is gay white men. Gay people, white men specifically have been the least accepting to me, and that really sucks! The LGBTQ+ community is supposed to be such a happy liberating place where everyone is accepted and loved for who they are; it is for the most part, don’t get me wrong.
If you have never had a relationship with someone who is the same gender as you, you are still valid. Sexuality is about who you are attracted to, not who you’ve dated. You can also have a preference and still be valid. There is no right or wrong way to be bisexual.

There has been a lot of talk recently about having bisexual removed from the LGBTQ+ community because it’s apparently transphobic to be bisexual. Which isn’t true at all. So, the definition of bisexuality is attraction to no-one specific gender. People claim that non-binary people are excluded from this which is wrong. This is considered controversial because if you are attracted to anyone regardless of their gender, or if they don’t identify as any one gender, then you are considered pansexual. Love is love though, guys. As someone who is bisexual, I believe I could fall in love with anyone no matter what. That doesn’t make me any less bisexual.

Bisexuals are constantly having to fight against erasure within our own community. The ‘B’ in LGBTQ+ is for bisexual, so if anyone ever tells you that you’re invalid don’t listen to them! No matter what label you identify as, or if you don’t label yourself at all, you. are. valid.
Bi-erasure is such a huge problem in and out of the LGBTQ+ community. Freddie Mercury, the lead singer from Queen was a bisexual man. Yet he is always portrayed as a gay man. Gay and white, he was neither of those. Society likes to belittle bisexual people and force them to ‘pick a side’. You do not need to pick a side. You are valid.

I saw a video earlier today of a gay white man at Pride, I’m assuming it was in New York, who was completely ignorant to the fact that Lady Gaga is a bisexual woman. Gaga does a lot for the LGBTQ+ community and this man just dismissed everything she had done. He was saying ‘it’s gay pride, not Lady Gaga pride’. She was at pride because she is bisexual, and even if she wasn’t she is a huge ally to the community. This is even more proof that we aren’t even accepted in to our own community.
Don’t feel you need to put up with biphobia within the LGBTQ+ community, stand up for yourselves and put anyone who says you’re not valid in their place. We should all stand together and not put each other down or discredit one another. Love and acceptance is what all of us seek.
Here are some bisexual celebrities for you to admire:

Lady Gaga,

Kehlani,

David Bowie,

Billie Joe Armstrong (Green Day),

Drew Barrymore,

Aubrey Plaza,

Angelina Jolie,

Amber Heard,

Cara Delevigne,

Alan Cumming,

Amy Winehouse,

Cary Grant,

Hans Christian Anderson,

Lou Reed,

William Shakespeare,

Ke$ha,

Megan Fox,

Azealia Banks,

Orlando Jordan (wrestler).

So just know that so many people are bisexual and you’re not alone. You’re also not confused or greedy. Don’t let people put you down for loving someone.

If anyone ever wants to chat then you can message me on any of my social media (links at the bottom of the page) and I’ll reply to you as soon as I can!
Thank you for reading!
Bx

Being young and gay! - The reality of it

I think I have always known I wasn't 100% straight. I remember watching programmes when I was younger and only really paying attention to the girls and thinking they were pretty or I would 'fancy' women on TV more than men. I used to watch Strictly Come Dancing and not  look at the men dancers at all really, I still don't. When I started to realise this I began questioning why I thought like this; am I gay? This question has always played on my mind, I wasn't sure if I was a lesbian or bisexual. 

Throughout my life I always told people I was straight, I felt a bit ashamed I suppose. But towards the last couple years of secondary school a couple of my friends came out and were accepted by people in our friendship group. I thought that if they were accepted then I would be too; so I built up the courage to tell my closest friends I was bisexual. Like I guessed, they were totally cool with it and it was like nothing happened. 

Because of the acceptance of my friendship group I thought about telling my parents. I felt more confident telling my Mum about my sexuality. It wasn't like a sit-down situation, it was just sort of brought up in conversation and that was it really. It was pretty easy, but I knew my Mum would be okay with whatever sexuality I am. Telling my Dad wasn't as easy for me. I was so nervous, I could barely get the words out. I held it off for so long because I wasn't sure what he would say. I knew he wouldn't disown me or anything like that, but there was still something there that was preventing me from telling him. Although it wasn't as easy as telling my Mum, it went down okay and I felt a lot better afterwards. 

I know that I'm one of the really lucky ones, and not all parents are as accepting as mine. So many kids are rejected and shunned by their parents for their sexuality. 24% of the homeless youth in the UK are LGBT+. The main reasons so many young, gay people are homeless is due to parental rejection, abuse from within the family and also aggression. There are many shelters up and down the UK but they're not always easily accessible. Many charities have been set up to help fund shelters and get more LGBT+ youth off the streets and in to a safe environment, including: The Albert Kennedy Trust. 

Rob Stothard—Getty Images

Through a poll I shared I asked a group of LGBT youth how their parents reacted to them coming out and 73% answered that their parents accepted their sexuality and they also get along with them. This is a good statistic and I'm really please that these people had a good coming out experience. 18% answered that their parents accepted their sexuality, but not their gender identity. 

Nearly half of young LGBT+ people have considered suicide in their lives. That is a sad and shocking statistic. Mental health is also a big problem particularly for LGBT+ people as 42% have sought medical help to do with anxiety and also depression. There is a higher risk of mental health problems in young LGBT+ people compared to heterosexual people of the same age. Almost half of under 26 year old transgender people have attempted suicide. Why is mental health such a big issue for LGBT+ youth? Is it due to the lack of mental health support in the UK? Personally it took me over five attempts of talking to a doctor about my own mental health to finally be taken seriously and given the health care I really needed. I believe some people think that the struggles we go through are just trivial things that aren't really a big deal, but this is so far from the truth! 

In some places LGBT+ people still aren't even treated like human beings. Being gay is illegal in 72 countries. That is a huge amount of countries. And in 8 countries gay people can face the death penalty. Can you imagine being sentenced to death just for being in love? It's madness. Besides facing death, gay people can also end up with a 15 year prison sentence in some countries. In 2011 Radio 1 DJ, Scott Mills - an openly gay man - travelled to the African country, Uganda to document the way gay people are treated. At that time a gay person could face 14 years in prison. Many people tried to put forth the death penalty although this was changed to life in prison in 2014. During Mills' time in Uganda he met with anti-gay preachers and also gay people who are in hiding. If caught these people could be sent to prison, or even beaten to death in the street. The documentary is truly eye-opening. I found a version of it on Youtube which I'll link here. Go check it out if you have a chance. I asked a group of young LGBT+ people whether they ever feel the need to hide their sexual identity and every single one of them said yes. 100% said they feel the need to hide who they are. That is so incredibly saddening. 

Quotesgram.com

80% of LGBT+ people who have experience a hate crime due to their sexuality didn't report it to the police. Young people are also the least likely to report a hate crime because they feel that the authorities don't take their issues seriously. Seems to be a reoccurring situation that LGBT+ people aren't taken seriously. Youtuber Timmy Timato (23) made a video 3 years ago talking about a homophobic attack him and his boyfriend experienced in a shopping mall in America. In the video Timmy said that him and his partner were on an ascending escalator sharing a kiss, and on the descending escalator was a man who then started to shout homophobic comments at them. 'I'm glad we were on different escalators and safe because I don't know what would've happened, he seemed so angry.' Timmy also mentions that the situation was 'traumatising' because they 'didn't feel safe'. Although Timmy says that he is all for PDA, 36% of LGBT+ people said they don't feel comfortable walking in public while holding their partners hand. I asked in a poll if people have ever felt discriminated against by a stranger and 79% answered yes. Attacks on LGBT+ people surge almost 80% in the UK over the last four years.

LGBT+ representation is slowing increasing - not as much as I would like, but it is happening - in film and TV. According to GLAAD, of the 125 film released in 2016 only 23 (18.4%) contained characters who identified as LGBT+. That isn't a great amount really. Although Hollywood is letting us down with representation, there are quite a few shows on Netflix with some pretty awesome LGBT+ characters including: Orange is the New Black, and Sense 8. Gay men are the most represented by a significant margin of 83%. Lesbian characters have increased since 2016 by 35%, and bisexual representation has increased by 13%. Even though LGBT+ representation is increasing, it's only really increasing for white people. The racial diversity of LGBT+ characters has actually decreased, which is very disappointing. A record breaking number of LGBT+ characters appeared on US TV in 2017. 6.4% of characters on broadcast prime-time TV identified as LBGT+, with 77% of them being white. There is also more discussion about being LGBT+ with celebrities now too as more of them are coming out. Loads of A-List celebrities are openly gay and also fight for gay rights, using their social media platforms to spread information. Open LGBT+ celebrities include: David Bowie, Laverne Cox, Amandla Stenberg, Stephen Fry, Angelina Jolie, Halsey and so many more!

Troye Sivan, an Australian Youtuber and singer, used his platform in 2013 to come out as gay to his followers and fans. He did this because he thought he owed it to his fans, but also because he wanted to inspire his younger fans who are questioning themselves. In his video he talks about how he watched so many 'coming out videos' that inspired him and gave him the courage, so he wanted to do the same. 'But this is not something I'm ashamed of, and it's not something anyone should have to be ashamed of.'  The video has 7.8 million views and has a collection of really nice comments of support and also people sharing their own experiences. 

I'm 20 years old and I only really came to a solid conclusion that I am bisexual about a year ago; I spent 19 years questioning my own identity. I've never truly come out to everyone in my family either. Although I'm so certain of myself I still get nervous and worried about how people will react to me. Unfortunately, I don't think those feelings will ever go away, maybe they'll slowly minimise, but then again maybe not. From all the people I asked in my poll, 81% of them were under 21, and 67% of them knew they weren't heterosexual before they turned 13 years old. 

LGBT+ rights are something I feel very strongly about, and as someone who is a part of the LGBT+ community it affects me, and quite a few of my friends. If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or whatever you identify as then please know that you aren't alone and there are always people you can talk to:

Alternatively you can always message me on my Instagram or twitter!

Thank you for reading,
Bx